Time and Other Inevitables

The most obnoxious thing about life is that you can't stop time.

I distinctly remember the first time I realized this.  I was thirteen at the time and visiting my grandma.  It had been a busy day, though I don't remember exactly where I'd been or what I'd been doing.  Night had come and as I lay in the dark a thought suddenly came to me. "I can't stop time."  Now this seems like a silly thought, and I suppose I did already know it, but I'd simply never taken the time to actually think about it.

Then I cried.

It makes sense really.  Think about it.  I realized that I had no choice.  I was going to grow up.  And not only couldn't I stop myself from growing up, I couldn't reverse anything.  As soon as a second has passed, it's gone.  I cried softly, realizing that every moment, every second that I cried would never be returned to me. It no longer felt like Life was something to be lived. Life was now a Being, this ever existing, ever moving Thing I was chained to.  As this Thing moved, I too moved, a helpless victim of Life itself.

I could do whatever I wanted, and Life would still go on.  I could disobey my parents (An unbelievable thought at the time) and Life would drag me on.  As a relatively responsible girl, my parents had put a decent amount of trust in me, and for the first time I realized how easy it would be to do whatever I wanted without my parents knowing.  I understood that though my parents are in charge of me, they couldn't control my attitude, my thoughts, or my behavior.  I contemplated all the terrible things I could do, and how my parents couldn't stop me.  Life would still be dragging me on, and nothing could stop it.  It didn't matter what I did, I was forever chained to Life.

I felt like I was in prison.  It wasn't that I didn't like my world, it was that I couldn't escape it.  For the first time I realized why some people might commit suicide.  Perhaps they had this same feeling.  Maybe they thought that by killing themselves they could escape the one thing they couldn't get away from: Life.  That Being forever propelling me forward.

But even as I thought about doing what I wanted or escaping the prison of life, I realized I  would never do either.  Precisely because of Life and Time.  If you only have one chance at each second in life, why waste them?  Why cut off what the short supply of time that you have?  That was my reasoning before I fell asleep that night.

However, looking back on the event, I understand a lot more.  Life and Time are two things that you can't escape.  But that shouldn't cause me to despair.  It should wake me up.  It should make me think back on the things that I've done in my life thus far.  What have I done with my time?  Am I bringing God glory?  And in those times when nothing seems worth it anymore, it's a reminder that this second only happens once.  Will I be proud to show my work to God at the end of the day?