Alright, I'm probably making it sound worse than it was, but please realize I had gotten less than 4 hours of sleep the night before.
Let me put this straight. I DO like people. I really do! I'm not one of those people who could go be a hermit for the rest of my life. I wouldn't like that. And it's not that the girls I was with were horrible people, or super mean, or even inappropriate or something. They were nice and funny. And Energetic. And loud. And unnecessarily hormonally charged...Just watching them exhausted me. For the majority of the night I simply sat and watched them. They were all like feeding off one another, getting more and more excited and energetic, and I was all like, "I wonder how many hours of sleep I'd get if I went to bed right now..."
And you know how girls are...there's always some kind of drama between the girls. Everything is personal. And then there's those artfully veiled insults that everyone knows is an insult, but no one wants to admit is one. So everyone just laughs and pretends like they weren't offended. I think that's what bugs me most about people. No one's ever real. Not even me.
And the worst part is that even though I hate the facade, I think I understand why it needs to be there.
But I just want to give up trying sometimes. I want to stop smiling and laughing and pretending like I care about which hot celebrity they're obsessed with. I want to stop making sympathetic noises while they tell me about how so-and-so did such-and-such to them and isn't that just so offensive? I don't want to listen to them talking about the annoying boys that are "always teasing them and won't stop no matter what." Oh ho, believe me, if you really wanted guys to stop "always talking and teasing" you, you could. I'm fine with you being a shameless flirt, but don't come to me and pretend that you don't enjoy it. Sometimes I just want to scream at them. Are you even alive? Are you even listening to the stupid, pointless things you're saying?
I thank God daily that I don't go to high school.
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm being unfair and hypocritical, but I just...just...I don't know...
I suppose that tomorrow will be better. I suppose that tomorrow I'll remember why I like people and relationships, and why it is that I don't make sarcastic remarks when a fourteen year old tells me about how much she loves her boyfriend. I suppose I'll remember why I give hugs to girls I don't like and why I actually engage in pointless small talk. Perhaps tomorrow I'll remember what God says about loving this world for Him.
But today? Well, I guess it's just been one of those days. One of those pessimistically introverted days.
And the worst part is that even though I hate the facade, I think I understand why it needs to be there.
But I just want to give up trying sometimes. I want to stop smiling and laughing and pretending like I care about which hot celebrity they're obsessed with. I want to stop making sympathetic noises while they tell me about how so-and-so did such-and-such to them and isn't that just so offensive? I don't want to listen to them talking about the annoying boys that are "always teasing them and won't stop no matter what." Oh ho, believe me, if you really wanted guys to stop "always talking and teasing" you, you could. I'm fine with you being a shameless flirt, but don't come to me and pretend that you don't enjoy it. Sometimes I just want to scream at them. Are you even alive? Are you even listening to the stupid, pointless things you're saying?
I thank God daily that I don't go to high school.
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm being unfair and hypocritical, but I just...just...I don't know...
I suppose that tomorrow will be better. I suppose that tomorrow I'll remember why I like people and relationships, and why it is that I don't make sarcastic remarks when a fourteen year old tells me about how much she loves her boyfriend. I suppose I'll remember why I give hugs to girls I don't like and why I actually engage in pointless small talk. Perhaps tomorrow I'll remember what God says about loving this world for Him.
But today? Well, I guess it's just been one of those days. One of those pessimistically introverted days.
