100 Books

It's finished.  My personal goal of 100 new books in one year has finally been met.  So here is it! The rather impressive (if I do say so myself) list of the 100 brand new books that I read this year.  Don't expect a list of classic, intellectually probing books - I'm not a philosopher, I'm a story-lover.

1. Les Misérables by Victor Hugo (January, 2013)
2. Dragon Flight by Jessica Day George (January, 2013)
3. The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle by Christopher Healy (January, 2013)
4. By Darkness Hid by Jill Williamson (January, 2013)
5. The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester (January, 2013)
6. Finding Alice by Melody Carlson (January, 2013)
7. The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen (January 2013)
8. Becoming Me by Melody Carlson (January, 2013)
9. Dragon Spear by Jessica Day George (February, 2013)
10. If You Come Softly by Jacqueline Woodson (Feburary 21, 2013)
11. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (February 23, 2013)
12. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson (February 28, 2013)
13. Farewell Summer by Ray Bradbury (March, 2013)
14. As You Like It by William Shakespeare (March 3, 2013)
15. Alabama Mood by Watt Key (March 13, 2013)
16. I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith (March 15, 2013)
17. Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury (March 17, 2013)
18. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (April 6, 2013)
19. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (April 6, 2013)
20. Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card (April 20, 2013)
21. Children of the Mind by Orson Scott Card (April 27, 2013)
22. Xenocide by Orson Scott Card (April 28, 2013)
23. Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card (May 2, 2013)
24. Shadow of the Hegemon by Orson Scott Card (May 11, 2013)
25. Shadow Puppets by Orson Scott Card (May 18, 2013)
26. Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card (May 21, 2013)
27. Shadows in Flight by Orson Scott Card (May 21, 2013)
28. The Only Ones by Aaron Starmer (May 24, 2013)
29. Epic by Conor Kostick (May 25, 2013)
30. Things Not Seen by Andrew Clements (May 27, 2013)
31. Every Soul a Star by Wendy Mass (May 28, 2013)
32. The Diary of Pelly D. by L.J. Adlington (May 30, 2013)
33. Dr. Franklin's Island by Ann Halam (May 30, 2013)
34. Heir Apparent by Vivian Vande Velde (May 31, 2013)
35. The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E. Pearson (May 31, 2013)
36. The Big Empty by J.B. Stephens (June 1, 2013)
37. User Unfriendly by Vivian Vande Velde (June 3, 2013)
38. The Last Book in the Universe by Rodman Philbrick (June 4, 2013)
39. Beyond the Minarets by Kellsye M. Finnie (July 8, 2013)
40. The Reluctant Assassin by Eoin Colfer (August 5, 2013)
41. A Separate Peace by John Knowles (August 18, 2013)
42. When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead (August 19, 2013)
43. Forbidden by Ted Dekker (August 19, 2013)
44. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield (August 21, 2013)
45. Gone by Michael Grant (August 30, 2013)
46. Partials by Dan Wells (August 31, 2013)
47. The Expeditioners and the Treasure of Drowned Man's Canyon by S.S. Taylor (September 2, 2013)
48. The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (September 20, 2013)
49. Fragments by Dan Wells (September 23, 2013)
50. Legend by Marie Lu (September 25, 2013)
51. Prodigy by Marie Lu (September 28, 2013)
52. Incarceron by Catherine Fisher (September 30, 2013)
53. Blackout by Connie Willis (October 7, 2013)
54. Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain (October 9, 2013)
55. Austenland by Shannon Hale (October 11, 2013)
56. All Clear by Connie Willis (October 13, 2013)
57. The Reading Promise by Alice Ozma (October 14, 2013)
58. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (October 16, 2013)
59. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer (October 19, 2013)
60. The Scorch Trials by James Dashner (October 23, 2013)
61. Variant by Robison Wells (October 23, 2013)
62. Keeping the Castle by Patrice Kindl  (October 24, 2013)
63. The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fjord (October 24, 2013)
64. Passage by Connie Willis (October 31, 2013)
65. To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis (November 5, 2013)
66. The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan (November 6, 2013)
67. The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan (November 6, 2013)
68. Goose Chase by Patrice Kindle (November 7, 2013)
69. The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan (November 8, 2013)
70. The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan (November 10, 2013)
71. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (November 11, 2013)
72. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (November 12, 2013)
73. If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch (November 13, 2013)
74. Feedback by Robison Wells (November 15, 2013)
75. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (November 15, 2013)
76. The Confessions by Augustine of Hippo (November 18, 2013)
77. Inside the Shadow City by Kirsten Miller (November 23, 2013)
78. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz (November 24, 2013)
79. The Unwanteds by Lisa McMann (November 24, 2013)
80. Destiny Rewritten by Kathryn Fitzmaurice (November 25, 2013)
81. Hamlet by William Shakespeare (November 25, 2013)
82. Monument 14 by Emmy Laybourne (November 26, 2013)
83. Matched by Ally Condie (November 28, 2013)
84. The Juvie Three by Gordan Korman (November 30, 2013)
85. Ship Breaker by Paolo Bacigalupi (December 3, 2013)
86. The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan (December 5, 2013)
87. Purgatory by Dante Alighieri  (December 5, 2013)
88. Saga by Conor Kostick (December 5, 2013)
89. Burning Blue by Paul Griffin (December 9, 2013)
90. The Outsiders by H.E. Hinton (December 10, 2013)
91. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare (December 11, 2013)
92. Wonder by R.J. Palacio (December 13, 2013)
93. The Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan (December 18, 2013)
94. The  Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan (December 21, 2013)
95. The Neptune Project by Polly Holyoke (December 23, 2013)
96. Close to Famous by Joan Bauer (December 24, 2013)
97. Loki's Wolves by K.L. Armstrong (December 26, 2013)
98.Champion by Marie Lu (December 26, 2013)
99. King Lear by William Shakespeare (December 27, 2013)
100. The Vengekeep Prophecies by Brian Farrey (December 27, 2013)
 
And there you have it!  This right here is a better summary of my past year than I could ever write.  More thoughts on books (these one hundred in particular) to come.

Solving Life's Problems the Democratic Way

Everybody talks about how great it is to be able to choose what you do with your life, but sometimes...I wish someone else would just choose for me.  Increasingly, I find people asking me, "So, what are you going to do with your life?"

Whenever I say that I don't know what I want to go to college for, people usually feel obligated to act as my therapist or whatever, and ask me, "Well, what do you enjoy doing?" 

Uh, let me think... Eating.  Sleeping.  Watching nerdy TV shows.  Being fabulous. Reading unhealthy amounts of books.  Wasting time.  Making sentences rhyme (did you catch that one?).  Harp.  Pretending like life is a musical.  Listening to movie soundtracks. Complaining.  Being sarcastic.  Writing pessimistic blog posts. 

Yeah.

I'd just like to say, isn't this whole setup just a bit unfair?  I mean really, why does everyone seem to think that I should somehow know, at 17, exactly what it is that I want to do with my life?  I mean, really?

I'm pretty sure your brain isn't even fully mature until you're in your twenties...so like, who decided to leave the decision-making to the girl with the under developed brain??

Anyway, I'm considering taking votes.  When someone asks what I'm going to school for, I'll simply pull out my notepad and read them the options.  "Do you think I would have the most success as a nurse or a therapist?  Mechanic or  Journalist?  Missionary or teacher?  What career comes to mind when you hear my name?  What career is most unlike me?"

I could take a poll with insightful, probing questions like

•  "On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your emotional response upon hearing I was beginning a career in ______?"
• "Suppose you were being chased by a bear through the woods, and the only way to escape was to pick the perfect career for me.  If you somehow found yourself in this entirely probable situation, what would you choose?" 
• "Imagine that you are a different person.  Now imagine that this new person (the person you just imagined yourself to be) happened to EXACTLY like me in every way, shape, and form.  If you (the person freakishly like me who you just imagined yourself becoming) had to make a living, what career or college education do you think would best fit yourself (assuming you are still the imaginary me-look-alike)? 

Listen.  I know how I'm supposed to finish this blog post.  I'm supposed to finish it with some optimistic sentence about how all I have to do is trust God, and everything will work out for the best. It is true, and it is comforting to know, but even so, sometimes I still don't feel that way.  It's really easy to just say that, but it's a whole different thing to live that way.  When you're half way through your senior year, and you still don't have the faintest clue what you'll be doing for the rest of your life, I'm fairly sure it's natural to be a tad apprehensive.  Like, I know God's timing is best, but gosh, it sure would be nice if He let me know exactly what His timing looked like.  But let's be honest, I'm not really in a position to ask Him things like that.

So I'll just wait.

But in the meantime... Maybe I'll go for the whole voting idea?

Hello!! We're Talking About ME Here!

I haven't been entirely religious about my blog posting lately.  Actually, I've been positively neglectful of the entire deal.  When was my last post? October?  Shameful, truly.  But now, on to the current thought...

Fact: People don't care.  Now listen carefully - I'm not trying to be overly depressing, and I promise I'm not suicidal.  I'm not mad at my family, nor do I come from some abusive situation with friends, sisters, and parents who have ignored me or something (not that I'm bashing on those who have).  On the contrary, I've come from an absolutely peachy situation, and I haven't a thing to complain about.  However, I'm just get a little sick of misleadingly optimistic opinions most hold of their fellow humans.

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say, "Well, people are mostly good, it's just society that messes them up," I'd be... well... let's just say that I wouldn't need to take out loans in college.  Not only are all humans selfishly evil and proud people, but they just plain don't care.  However, we all persist in dogmatically pounding our little pulpits and making logically unsound arguments like, "My mom loves me and feeds me!  How can she be evil?" or "What about whats-his-face the hero who did that thing to save that person?  Do you think he's selfish? Huh? HUH?!"

Now now, before you start breathing in my face all angry like, take a breath mint and calm yourself down.  I may be a presumptuous prig, but I like to consider myself relatively intelligent.  However, I don't consider myself a very good debater, and frankly, I find the entire process rather boring.  So, I'm not going to even bother to come up with some sound argument about how so-and-so (who loves you and helps old ladies cross the street) is plagued by inner sins.  As so many other lovely (and probably more populous) blogs have already broached that topic, I see no reason to myself.

Nope.  I'm much better at ranting.  So I shall restate my fact: people don't care.  They really don't.  And I'm so irrevocably selfish that it actually took me this long to figure out.  We care so much about our own lovely faces and stupid jokes and boring lives that we simply assume that everyone else (especially those who love us) care as well.  Of course, those who love us are much better at pretending to be interested, but in the end, all they really want us to do is shut up so that they can prattle about their own banal subsistence.

Is it any wonder that we don't care?  The only stories and words we want to hear are the sensational ones - those that make us laugh, cry, gasp, or feel some other emotion.  I've been coming to this horridly depressing realization over the past several months, and the more I think about it, the more I recognize this ungodly behavior in myself and my friends. In conversations, we really truly only care about what we have to say.

I realize that there are all sorts of counterarguments to my assertion, but I honestly couldn't care less.  I'm not arguing a position, I'm simply stating something.  I know all of the other views, but the fact still remains:  humans are selfish.  Christians, of course, should be the exception - the only ones who are even remotely capable of something bordering caring about another for unselfish reasons.  But to be blunt, even we aren't that good at it.  In fact, sometimes it's in my Christian friends that I notice it the most - that obsession with dominating the conversation.  We are always trying to get a word in edgewise, trying to sound smart, trying to be funny, trying to get people to like us.  "Look at me! Look at me!" we say over and over and over and over, but everyone else is too busy waving their hands and jumping up and down to look over at us.  We're just a bunch of narcissistic bums who want to make ourselves feel good.

Of course, this isn't strictly true, but why should I provide the positive, hopeful counter arguments when your lovely brain is capable of providing that itself?  If I'm lucky, you too are now haunted by the idea that everything (supernaturally powered actions aside) you do, and most of what everyone else does is driven by little more than "selfish ambition and vain conceit."

And on that note... Go! Live your dream!

Bethel University

Having been homeschooled for the majority of my life, being in a classroom at Bethel University has definitely been more of an adjustment for me than is probably normal for freshmen.  Let's be honest here: being on a campus with 6,000 strangers really isn't that bad.  I mean, absolutely NONE of them know you!  Not only that, but none of them notice you at all or even care what the heck you are wearing, doing, and saying.  And that's a relief when you are wandering around trying to find the rather elusive "AC 305" classroom.  After all, no one's going to notice if you happen to pass by the same area 2 or 4 times.

But I, of course, am not near lucky enough to be on a campus with 6,000 strangers.  No, I happen to be on a campus with about 5,990 strangers and approximately 10 people I know.  However, on my first day on at Bethel, I was blissfully unaware of this harsh reality.  

So here I am, wandering up the stairs, still looking for AC 305, when my lovely little dream of wandering unseen among strangers is shattered.  A voice says, "Since when do you go here?" 

I turn to see, to my dismay, one of those people. Which means that I'm about to have one of those conversations.  It was one of those people who I know just well enough that I can't pretend I don't know him, but not well enough that I'd be able to converse with him freely.  But here I was, unwittingly forced into conversation with him.  I had to make the best of the situation. 

So I, of course, awkwardly smiled and, in the end, managed to survive a completely pointless conversation about Welcome Week (which I missed and apparently should have attended), and other such boring topics as came to mind.  I was able to excuse myself relatively discreetly via some lame excuse about needing to get to my class (which didn't start for 20 minutes). 

But that, cats and kittens, was only the beginning.  I proceeded to awkwardly pass, make eye contact with, or see more people that I knew than I ever could have expected. Now, it's not that I dislike any of these people about whom I am so blatantly complaining.  All of them are extraordinarily nice, and some of them I think I would get along with quite well if I spent more time with them.  However, the fact remains that, every time I make eye contact with one of them, I feel obligated to stop and have a conversation.  If I was one of those crazy extroverted weirdos who allegedly enjoy small-talk, I would probably think something like, "Oh joy! I get to go and talk to people I barely know about things that don't matter at all.  Even better, I probably get to laugh at awkward jokes that aren't even funny, and other such completely enjoyable things!!" As it is, my thought process is generally something more along the lines of, "Crap.  What's the easiest and fastest way to get out of this situation while still maintaining a relatively good relationship with the person?"

It's not that I'm opposed to making friends... I just really hate small-talk, especially if it's already awkward to talk to that person in the first place.  

Whose demented idea of a joke is it to send a homeschooled introvert to Bethel University, where she is likely to get lost, run into people with whom she has to make small-talk, and probably something else even worse that I haven't even encountered yet?  Like really?

On the plus side, I'm sure God finds this all very entertaining.

A Grand Adventure?

Generally, adventures happen without our permission.  However, occasionally, we plan our own adventure.  For instance, I've been planning an adventure to Africa for almost 6 months now.  It's been one of those things where I am talking about it, planning for it, buying for it, and, finally, actually packing for it.  

And then suddenly it's the night before the big day, and I have to face the fact that tomorrow, at 10:30 am, I'll be getting on a plane, and I'm not going to be back for 2 months.  It's then that all the hopes and dreams and plans and predictions are tested.  All at once, everything that "was going to happen this summer" is actually happening.  Unfortunately, I know that nothing is going to go as planned, and that things are going to happen that I haven't prepared for, and I'll probably cry at least once.  In other words, it'll be an adventure.  

In books, when the hero initially refuses the chance to go on an adventure, I was always a little confused.  I mean, here's this chance to go somewhere completely new and do exciting things.  Why on earth wouldn't they want to go?  Yet here I am, on the edge of going somewhere completely new to do exciting things, and suddenly, unexpectedly, I start thinking, "Why exactly am I going halfway around the world for the summer?" My house seems a little more cosy, my friends seem a little nicer, the sun a little brighter, and I start thinking "Gee, my legs would look pretty nice after a good tan..."  

And I understand.  I understand why people don't want to go on adventures.  Especially introverts.  Because at home the weather will be nicer, the people will be friendlier, and your legs will most likely be a heck of a lot more tan.  At home there isn't scary people with whom you have to make small talk, nor is there every kind of infectious disease on the planet.  There isn't 50 pound boxes you have to carry through the airport in your incredibly wimpy arms.  You don't have to wash your clothes in a bucket, and you don't need to sleep in a tent.  

However, if I go to Africa, I'll get to meet new people.  I'll get to live out of a suitcase, try new foods, and see new things.   I'll get to fly over the ocean, and I'll get to help orphans. I'll do first aid and other medical work.  I'll have chances to help there that I never would have had at home.  At home, I can count on everything being exactly how it's always been.  If I stay home, I know that, at the end of the summer, I'll be exactly the same as I've always been.  If, however, I go to Africa, I can't possibly return the same.  

And so it's here.  The Grand Adventure I've been anticipating and dreading is finally ready.  I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't know that I'm even going to enjoy myself.  

However, if I knew all that, then it wouldn't exactly be an adventure, would it?  

Pessimistic Introverted Days

Not too long ago, I had a sleepover with 6 overly emotional, extroverted girls.  By 9 pm, the party was just getting started.   By 10:30 pm, I was ready to go home.

Alright, I'm probably making it sound worse than it was, but please realize I had gotten less than 4 hours of sleep the night before.  

Let me put this straight.  I DO like people.  I really do!  I'm not one of those people who could go be a hermit for the rest of my life.  I wouldn't like that.  And it's not that the girls I was with were horrible people, or super mean, or even inappropriate or something.  They were nice and funny.  And Energetic.  And loud.  And unnecessarily hormonally charged...Just watching them exhausted me.  For the majority of the night I simply sat and watched them.  They were all like feeding off one another, getting more and more excited and energetic, and I was all like, "I wonder how many hours of sleep I'd get if I went to bed right now..." 

And you know how girls are...there's always some kind of drama between the girls.  Everything is personal.  And then there's those artfully veiled insults that everyone knows is an insult, but no one wants to admit is one.  So everyone just laughs and pretends like they weren't offended.  I think that's what bugs me most about people.  No one's ever real.  Not even me.

And the worst part is that even though I hate the facade, I think I understand why it needs to be there.

But I just want to give up trying sometimes.  I want to stop smiling and laughing and pretending like I care about which hot celebrity they're obsessed with.  I want to stop making sympathetic noises while they tell me about how so-and-so did such-and-such to them and isn't that just so offensive?  I don't want to listen to them talking about the annoying boys that are "always teasing them and won't stop no matter what."  Oh ho, believe me, if you really wanted guys to stop "always talking and teasing" you, you could.  I'm fine with you being a shameless flirt, but don't come to me and pretend that you don't enjoy it.  Sometimes I just want to scream at them.  Are you even alive?  Are you even listening to the stupid, pointless things you're saying?

I thank God daily that I don't go to high school.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm being unfair and hypocritical, but I just...just...I don't know...

I suppose that tomorrow will be better.  I suppose that tomorrow I'll remember why I like people and relationships, and why it is that I don't make sarcastic remarks when a fourteen year old tells me about how much she loves her boyfriend.  I suppose I'll remember why I give hugs to girls I don't like and why I actually engage in pointless small talk.  Perhaps tomorrow I'll remember what God says about loving this world for Him.

But today?  Well, I guess it's just been one of those days.  One of those pessimistically introverted days.  

Don't Deny It!

Well, it's been a while.  Mainly because I've only got time at night, and I have developed an passionate love for sleep.  Thus the limited number of blog posts.

Wanna know what's weird?  Zorbing

Wanna know what else is weird?  People.  (But then again, maybe that's more of a who..)

When I sit down and think about all the weird things in the world (which isn't very often), people are always first to come to mind.  Wanna know why?

 'Cause they're weird!

And that's my profound thought for the day.