An Update On My Emotional Health

Yes, yes, I realize that only a few months ago I was complaining about being alone all the time, but some things have changed since then.  I still do like to be with people; that will never change.  But I've also regained my love of solitude.  These past weeks have made me realize just how much I love those lazy socialize-with-myself, do-nothing-with-friends sort of days.

I've busier than normal with homework this week, so I had significantly less time to spend with myself.  Today I totally made up for that.  I actually had fun with myself.  In fact, I'm still having fun.  In a summer of go go go, I'd forgotten how fabulous it is to simply be with myself.  That sounds completely prideful, as if I'm spending the day looking in the mirror saying, "Hey, you look good today *wink*", but that's not what I mean.  

It's like this.  Earlier this summer I hated being alone because I always felt lonely.  There was an indescribable emptiness that welled up inside every time I met my eyes in the mirror.  Being in a room by myself was something to avoid, and I distracted myself as much as possible.  However, these episodes of loneliness have gradually become less frequent over the past month or so.  I guess you could say I've kinda renewed my relationship with God, and ever since, that uncontentment and fear has slowly been fading, replaced by  new confidence and happiness.  I've recovered the pleasure of loneliness and the joy of solitude.  

Today I had a blast.  By myself.  A unique feeling accompanies the knowledge that no one aside from God can see you right now.  When it's combined with a computer, music, a book, and a mind busy with thoughts and time, you've got a perfect day in the making.  There are a lot of things that are always better done with someone else, but several things are always the best by yourself.

Lately I've been looking forward to time by myself.  Relaxing by myself after a long day of school.  Not to say that I no longer enjoy a good time with friends, but that I no longer fear a good time with myself.  I've found this unexplainable joy from not being busy.

I'm not sure this is coming across the way I mean it, but in short, life is good and Saturdays are BEAST.